The Necessity of Expression

You know, I never really did like to write… It was tedious and I never found how to grasp satisfactions out of it; it seemed boring to write… Now, though, it’s a bit different… I may not be the best at finding the right words or imagining up a story and place well enough to describe it in detail, but I’ve grown an emotional tie to writing now. Writing has taken life in my through expression, the expression that is the most important thing for me.

It’s mostly fueled by hard times of mourning and frustrations, they are the things that open my eyes to life and give me chance to evaluate the things around me. I’m reminded today of this, on Veteran’s Day, after watching the specials on HBO… The feelings remind me of how I felt through my depression, yet… I sit here watching the impact on the soldiers of WW2 and it makes me feel incredibly guilty. These men, they have a reason for feeling that way. They were surrounded by horrors and death… That is not something I could go through… They were strong men, the ones who overcame those visions. I look up to them mostly in awe. Me, alone… I had a hard time dealing with my own insecurities and hard to cope with nature. I may have actually taken comfort in having to deal with those horrors had I been in those shoes… so much that it scares me; I don’t think I’d have the will to come out of something like that…

These are things that I have a hard time speaking… Just muttering them makes the feelings of condemning myself even worse, and they aren’t things I can express through my art. It’s relaxing to know I can get something like that out without it back-firing on me. Expression… It’s a powerful thing - it at least keeps me sane.

Anyways, I wanted to also say to all the veterans who have been through traumatic times and sacrificed their personal health for the whole of our country:

You are in my heart and I pray that, somehow through that, I can give you some strength to cope with those difficulties I know you must fight with daily. You give me strength and I hope knowing that is even a small comfort to know.