Of Masquerades and Jesters

You know the saying "When you're in a relationship, everyone wants you. But when you're single; nothing..." I wouldn't have known if that was true before. I mean I just got out of my first real relationship. Anyways, I've had the exact opposite experience since my break up. Maybe I was just never in a position to be hit on when I was with Matt, but I've had more guys try to pick me up over the last 4 months than I have in my entire life. I mean I'm dense, but it's not until now that I've actually had a guy 'inquiring over my boyfriend.' You know the casual question of, "So, what do you and your boyfriend like to do for fun?" question. Of course, I answer honestly, saying no boyfriend and that he broke up with me a few months back. But, what really baffles me is the typical response I get...

It's rarely answered with, "Why would he do that?" It's almost always "What a douche." or "Well, he must be stupid." Now I understand that it's probably just flattery. They're trying to capture my interest by offhandedly trying to compliment me. (Which, honestly, I don't quite get how that works... I mean, you don't know a thing about me.) No one ever asks "Why?" and that's disturbing for me. Either that or they assume exactly what they're saying. That my ex decidedly is a total ass or just an idiot. And that's supposed to win my favor?! Really? I went out with him for a reason. Maybe I'm just really strange on this regard, but you calling a man that I love an asshole or a complete idiot is not going to win you any brownie points. Just because we aren't together doesn't change my feelings or the reasons I love him.

Another thing... Their responses make it seem like I was the victim. Like, he was the one who did everything wrong. I'm pretty sure both sides are the victim in a serious relationship. I may not have been the one who wanted to cut ties so I guess I may be more of a victim than him, but this probably wasn't easy on him either. The real difference is I had no choice in the matter.There were reasons for the breakup, from both sides and some that had nothing to do with either of us. (Honestly, I think it was mostly bad timing...) But, really he was a victim of it too, I imagine. He was probably hurt by it, too. Do people not think about that? Or are they just saying stuff that they think you want to hear? How much of what they say is actually real and how much is just a facade?

It's like someone asking, "How's it going?" The standard answer for that is probably, "good" even if they're sad or upset. It's like a masquerade party. I'm realizing more and more why people don't understand me. I don't like masks. I like the truth. I like to understand. You can't have those in a masquerade ballroom. They're better off being Court's Jester, dancing around in fake smiles and laughs to please others. I'd much rather just be me. What's the harm in saying, "Today's been rough, but the day's getting better" instead of "Good"? I'd rather you be genuine. (On top of that, it's best to think positively. I mean, a response like "That's a shame, because you seem like a nice person" instead of "Well, he must be an idiot" is going to win me over a lot more.)

I try to see situations from whatever angle I can get to understand why. "Why?" is probably one of the most important questions you can ever ask. (Unless you're a 3 year old being obnoxious, that is!) But it's like some people don't want to know the answer. (Personally, I don't see how they can function; my mind doesn't handle not knowing reasons very well.)